The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
