When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
