Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
