masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
