for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
