So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
