it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Randomize
