This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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