3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
