where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
