so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I love you.
Bad choice
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
