You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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