I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
