Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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