Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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