it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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