i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize