...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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