Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
