He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
