i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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