he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
