as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
