Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
