Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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