I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
