and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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