Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
