there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
