Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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