I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
