bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
