the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
