i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
