dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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