A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
