My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
