You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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