Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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