There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
