Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize