I want to make a zoo with you.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
