Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
