Your tits are I can't wait for
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
