Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
