he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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