Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
