I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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