its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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