I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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