there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
