yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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