doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My life is pants optional.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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