Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize