It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
