I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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