paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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