Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
