i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
17 year olds will be the death of me.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
