Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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