I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
