just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
