For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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