I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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