I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
