I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
