when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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