her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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