I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
