In the future we'll all be gay
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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