What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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